Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
