well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize