Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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