dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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