I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize