So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you never un-have a 4some
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
