my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
