i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and i looked up. we had an audience...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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