i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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