i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
