I'm so fucking centered right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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