I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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