had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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