btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
