Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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