I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
