well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i barfeds in our rink
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
