shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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