How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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