So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
