i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm just crazy horny about you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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