I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
