He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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