you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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