i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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