i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
