so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
