shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
