Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
operation harelip BJ is a go
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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