Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize