She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
