I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize