don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
