his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
