You're so nebulous sometimes
He kissed a someone with a penis
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
