either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
