walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
