FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
