STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
