so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
