It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
