He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
