When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
