my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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