Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
