I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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