toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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