hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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