I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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