Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
