He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
