I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love having hate sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
