I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
