apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
