and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
should my penis look like a turkey
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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