Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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