you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she woke up with a sticky ear
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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