Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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