you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
