I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Never underestimate the power of titties
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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