He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
