my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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